


Prenuptial Agreements

by usssamwell



Category: Check Please! (Webcomic)
Genre: Enemies to Friends to Lovers, Fake/Pretend Relationship, M/M, Slow Burn, So imagine Bitty is Ryan Reynolds, The Proposal AU, and Jack is Sandra Bullock, and Moomaw is just Betty White, and probably end up crashing into each other naked, holster and ransom are strippers, jack and bitty have to talk about their feelings, what else is there
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-06-06
Updated: 2018-08-03
Packaged: 2019-05-19 00:03:42
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 16,733
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14862870
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/usssamwell/pseuds/usssamwell
Summary: The Proposal AU-The US government has messed up and Jack Zimmermann, high powered book editor for Knights Publishers, is being deported back to Canada. In order to stay in the country he convinces Eric Bittle, his assistant, to pretend to be his fiance but Bitty has some conditions of his own first. One of which is spending the weekend at Bitty's family home in Georgia for Moomaw's birthday. With immigration lurking nearby and Bitty's family just around the corner, can they stick to the charade or will their nuptials be spoilt before they've even begun?





	1. Chapter 1

Bitty was running and if there was one thing he couldn’t be it was late. That morning his alarm hadn’t gone off so by the time he had, eventually, woken up he was already meant to be in the middle of the queue at Starbucks a block away, getting his boss’ morning coffee. He didn’t even have time for breakfast as he changed in, what must be, world record time and rushing out of his front door. Thankfully there was no trouble on the commute downtown otherwise he really would be pushing his luck. If he didn’t have to get his boss his ridiculous coffee order every morning he wouldn’t have to run around like he was but no, he worked for a freaking slave driver. Rushing into the coffee shop he groaned at the size of the queue until he saw his knight in shining armour grinning at him from the pick up counter, two cups in hand.

“You’re late today.”

“Lardo, you literally saved my life!” Bitty grinned as he collected the drinks off of her. “Thank you, thank you!”

“Yeah, whatever. Now get, I’ve got drinks to make!”

“Yes, ma’am!” He called back as he rushed towards the exit. He might just make it this time.

Stepping out of the coffee shop he began to make his way towards work, making a mental note to message Lardo later and thank her for literally saving his life. Hopefully his boss hadn’t turned up yet. Bitty couldn’t wait for the day he no longer had to serve that walking icicle anymore. Ever since he started working for him three years ago his life had become almost insufferable. Any scrap of a social life he once had vanished. He barely had any time for his friends and often had to cancel his meet ups with Lardo because he got called away on some stupid, last minute errand that really could have waited until Monday. Don’t even get him started on the last time he managed to go see his family. Holiday days were nonexistent so it was probably around the time he actually left and came up to New York to work for Knights Publishers. His family told him to quit constantly but no matter what they said to try and convince him he wasn’t about to give up. He had invested three, long years into that job, and that insufferable man, and he wasn’t about to back out now. No matter how much he wanted to hit his boss around the head.

As he walked through the doors of Knights Publishers Bitty couldn’t see any of the tell tale signs that his demonship, aka his boss, was yet to grace them with his presence. This meant he had actually managed to beat his boss to the office. Thank the Lord on Sunday! All he had to do now was go up to his desk and wait for the storm to arrive. Then the real fun would begin. The elevator ride was calm and he tried to savour it for as long as he could because it was bound to be the only form of quiet he would be allowed all day. Unfortunately that peace was ruined the minute the doors opened and he was met with Nursey’s smirking face waiting for him.

“Cutting it close there, Bits. One of those mornings?”

“Thank you, Captain Obvious,” Bitty sighed, heading for his desk. Looking back over his shoulder he went to make a joke when the mail cart crashed right into him causing his boss’s morning coffee to spill all the way down his shirt.

“Sorry, B-”

“Gosh darnit! Come on!” He exclaimed, looking down at his now ruined shirt. His boss was going to kill him or mock him or probably a combination of both at the same time. “He’s going to be any second, Dex!”

“I know, Bits, I’m so-”

“Give me your shirt.”

“Bits, I am not giving you my shirt.”

“I need it, Dex,” Bits pleaded. “He is going to ridicule me.”

“He’ll do that anyway.”

“Rangers game. This Tuesday.” Dex raised his eyebrows, hand brushing against the bottom of his shirt. _Ha_ , Bitty thought. _Got him_. “Two seats for your shirt. You have five seconds to decide. Five.”

“Bits, I don’t kn-”

“Four.”

“Eric , come on.”

“Three.”

“You haven’t even-”

“Two.”

“Where are the seats?”

“Behind the goal, second row from the glass. On-”

“Fine, fine! Deal!”

One shirt change later and Bitty felt a lot better than before, just in time for his boss’s arrival. The coffee was reaching the perfect drinking temperature, the calendar was prepared for the day and Dex’s shirt wasn’t as big on him as he first feared it would be. Everyone around the office was smiling, talking about their plans for the weekend and sharing casual office gossip over their morning coffees, until the familiar sound of beeping filled the air and every single smile dropped. Eric did not need to check his phone to see what it said

_**It’s here.** _

Suddenly it was all hands on deck. Picking up the one coffee that didn’t spill he made his way towards the elevator, waiting for it to open.The office was starting to talk in hushed voices, everyone rushing to put away their breakfasts and making an effort to look like they had been already started work. This was Bitty’s least favourite part of the day. Where he had to go back to being called Eric and pretend that he loved serving the antichrist. It was as if the fun was being sucked out of the room. He didn’t care how great his boss actually was because everyone was terrified of him. It was absolutely ridiculous. The man couldn’t even smile sweetly to save his life and if he ever yelled at you it was like getting chewed out by a general in the army. It reminded Bitty of his father, back in his old football coaching days. The elevator dinged, Eric put on his nicest smile and prepared for war.

“Good morning. You have a conference call in thirty minutes.”

“Yes. About the marketing spring books,” came the usual icy reply as the coffee was snatched from Eric’s hand. “I know.”

Repressing a sigh Bitty could already tell that it was going to be one of those days. “Staff meeting is at nin-”

“Did you call… what’s his name? The one that wrote that 17th century Russian novel?”

“Alexei?”

“Yes, Alexei!”

“Yes, I did call him and told him that if he didn’t get his manuscript in on time then you won’t give him a release date. He’s sending it by noon.” Bitty rambled on as they made their way towards the office at the end of the hall. After all his boss did prefer to walk and talk. “Oh and your lawyer called. He said that it is imperative that yo-”  
  
“Cancel that call, push the meeting until tomorrow and keep my lawyer on the sheet.” Eric nodded, heading towards his desk to make the arrangements. “Oh and get a hold of PR, have them start drafting a press release. Marty is doing Oprah.”

Stopping in his tracks Eric turned around in a mild state of shock. Sebastien St. Martin never did interviews. Hadn’t done so in years. The guy was almost a literal hermit. “Wow, nicely done!”

“If I wanted your praise I would have asked for it, Eric.”  
  
Sucking in a breath Bitty went back to making his way towards his desk to reschedule the meetings. Sometimes his boss nearly came across as a normal human being. Just looking at him it was easy to think that at least. The man was built like a Greek God. As if Aphrodite herself had sculptured him specifically to torture Bitty. Plus there was no denying that Jack Zimmermann was a powerhouse in the publishing world. If he wanted a book he would get it and they were bound to be a bestseller. Bitty had been over the moon when he first got the opportunity to work for such a man but three years down the line and it was starting to break him. All those snarky remarks, the insufferable attitude, the rudeness. Bitty was one man and there was only so much those baby blues made up for. The work portfolio was the only thing keeping him going anymore. It was as if Jack was secretly Miranda Priestly and Bitty was actually Anne Hathaway and all he needed was the perfect pair of Chanel boots. Then he could ditch Jack in a car somewhere in the middle of Paris and spend the rest of his days never having to think of cerulean blue ever again.

“Who is Bits?” Eric froze. Crud. Lardo had written on his cup. “And why are they meant to call someone?”

“Erm I’m Bits. Well Bitty actually. It’s a nickname of mine. That was originally my cup.”

“And I am drinking your coffee, why?”

“Because your coffee spilt.”

Jack took a sip of his coffee, raising his eyebrow at Eric as he did so. “So you just so happen to also drink triple shot Americans with one pump sugar free hazelnut and a dash of light soy?”  
  
“I do,” Eric lied. He hated americanos with a goddamn passion. Give him something sugary and probably topped with whipped cream any day. “It’s like pure energy in a cup.”

“Is that a coincidence?”

“You know, incredibly it is. I wouldn’t possibly drink the same type of coffee as you just in case yours spilt. That would be pathetic.” Luckily the phone began to ring, giving Bitty the opportunity to avoid talking to Jack any further than he had to. “Good morning, Mr Zimmermann’s office. Oh hey, Chad.”  
  
At his desk Jack made a hand gesture at Eric and began to make his way towards his office door.

“Actually we are heading to your office right now. Yeah.” Hanging up the phone Bitty quickly sneaked out his mobile and send a quick warning message out to the office. The dings filling the office. “Why are we heading to Chad’s office?”  
  
Opening the door Eric knew that Jack wasn’t going to give him a response other than the click of the tongue that he had no idea how to interpret. At least his warning message had worked, he thought instead, as he looked out into the office. Everybody was working hard as if their lives depended on it or at least were making it look like they were working that hard anyway.  
  
**_The witch is on his broom._**

 “Oh did you finish the manuscript I gave you?” Bitty asked, chasing after Jack.

 “I read a few pages. I wasn’t impressed.”

Frowning Bitty did his best not to snap back immediately. Deciding to chose his words carefully. “Can I say something?”

“No.”

“I have read thousands of manuscripts and this is the only one I have given you. There’s an incredible novel in there. The kind of novel you used to publish!”

“Wrong.” And that was the end of that conversation apparently. They were nearly Chad’s office now, making their way past Nursey and Dex at the water cooler. As they past Dex was trying to hide his, obviously, too tight, coffee stained shirt by pulling his blazer shut. It did, unfortunately, not go unnoticed. “And I do think you order the same coffee as I do just in case it spills which is, in fact, pathetic.”

 “Or impressive?” Bitty suggested hopefully.

“It would be impressive if you didn’t spill it in the first place.” As they stopped outside of Chad’s office door Jack turned to look at Eric. “Remember: you are just a prop.”

“Won’t say a word.”  
  
As they walked into the office Bitty could see Chad walking around, folders in hand. He never really did like Chad much. He reminded him of those insufferable lacrosse players that he used to live across from in college. Although Bitty had to put up with Jack on a daily basis and he already had four years of experience dealing with a Chad so really? Chad was nothing.

“Our furious leader and his liege,” Chad grinned as he gestured towards the seats in front of desk. “Please do come in.”

Instead of taking a seat however Jack waved him off, choosing to look at the new piece of furniture that now adorned the office wall. Bitty couldn’t help but admire the beautiful craftsmanship that went into it. It also reminded him of some of the pieces he had seen in Jack’s apartment the few times he had been summoned there. By the looks of it they had just interrupted Chad in the middle of curing the wood which, considering how old it looked, was probably for the best. _One day_ , he thought, _one day I will be able to buy pieces like that for my own office._

“Beautiful breakfront, is it new?”

“It is English Regency Egyptian Revival built in the 1800s,” Chad smirked, “but I suppose, yes, it is new to my office.”

“Witty,” Jack muttered. Jack definitely knew what type of furniture he was looking at, Bitty had no doubt about that. Bitty also had no doubt that the eyebrow raise that Jack just did towards Chad was no good. He had seen it too many times before. “Chad, I’m letting you go?”

“Pardon?”

“I asked you a dozen times to get Marty to do Oprah and you didn’t do it. You’re fired.”

“I told you it’s impossible! Marty hasn’t done an interview in ten years, Jack!” Chad was raising his voice now, glaring at Jack with such fury that Bitty couldn’t wait to get out of there. Jack however looked unperturbed by any of this and looked down at Chad as if he was just said something like good morning or lovely weather we’re having. Both Jack and Bitty knew that Marty was going to do Oprah, Jack had said so less than ten minutes ago. Bitty couldn’t blame Chad for his reaction though. The last time he had done an interview Barack Obama was running for president for the first time. After that he just dropped out of the public eye to spend more time with his family and since not a single person had managed to get an interview. Plus now that Marty had a young son the odds of coxing him out to do a single interview, let alone an entire book tour, became slim to none.

“That’s funny because I just got off of the phone with him and he’s in.”

“Excuse me?”

“You didn’t even call him, did you?” Jack sighed.

“Bu-”

“I know, I know. Marty can be a little scary to deal with. For you.” Heading towards Chad’s office door Jack took a quick sip of his coffee before turning back to Chad. “Now, I will give you two months to find another job and then you can tell everyone you resigned, okay? That seems fair enough to me.”

And with that Jack walked out of the room, leaving Bitty to chase after him so he wasn’t left with Chad. The man looked ready to explode. As he caught up with Jack he checked over his shoulder to see if Chad was going to remain in his office. The pacing didn’t make him feel reassured.

“What’s his twenty?”

“He’s moving. He had crazy eyes.”

“Don’t do it, Chad. Don’t do it.” Sadly Jack’s words were in vain because almost instantly Chad charged out of his office looking like a man gone mad.

“You poisonous bastard!” The office around them hauled to a stop. Everyone had paused their word to watch the encounter, unsure how to react. “You can’t fire me! You don’t think I know what you’re doing here? You sandbagged me with Marty thing so you can look good to the board! You’re threatened by me.”

“Chad, stop.” Jack warned.  
  
“Just because you have no semblance of a life outside of this office you think you can treat all of us like your own personal slaves! You know what?” Chad laughed. “I feel sorry for you because you know what you’re going to have on your deathbed? Nothing and no one. Except maybe Shitty who you must be fuc-”

“Listen carefully, Chad,” Jack interrupted. Firmly putting a stop to anything Chad had to say. “I didn’t fire you because I feel threatened by you. I fired you because you are lazy, entitled, incompetent, and you spend more time cheating on your wife than you do in the office.”  
  
“He-”

“And if you say another word Eric here is going to have you thrown out, okay?” Chad went to interrupt again but Jack raised his hand and cut him off before he got the chance. “Another word and you’re going out here with an armed escort. Eric will film it with his camera phone and he’ll put it up on that internet site. What was it?”  
  
“Youtube?” Bitty replied, wishing the floor would eat him up. Why did Jack have to bring him into this?

“Exactly! Is that what you want? Didn’t think so. Now, I have work to do. See yourself out,” Jack concluded before walking back to his office. Bitty made a sympathetic face at Chad before following suit. The man may be a pig but he didn’t deserve that. It wasn’t even nine in the morning and it was already, definitely, one of those days. “Have security take his breakfront out of his office and put it in my conference room.”

“Oh and I need you this weekend to help review Chad’s files and his manuscript.”

“This weekend?” Eric asked, praying he had heard wrong.

“You have a problem with that?”

“No. I just… It’s my grandmother’s ninetieth birthday so I was going to go home and… it’s fine. I’ll just cancel it. You’re saving me from a weekend of misery,” Bitty rambled. Jack paid no need, disappearing into his office and shutting the door. The tightness in Jack’s shoulders didn’t escape Bitty’s notice but right now he couldn’t care less. “So… good talk, yeah. Damnit.”

His family were going to kill him. When they rang, telling him all about it, had had explicitly promised that yes, he would be home for Moomaw’s birthday. No ifs or buts. Now he had to ring up his Mama and explain how he couldn’t make it down for the weekend anymore and Bitty wanted the world to swallow him up. She was going to give him the world’s biggest talking it and he hated disappointing his Mama. Even worse he would be letting Moomaw down. Picking up with work phone Bitty gulped before punching in his folks’ number. Hopefully it would go to answerphone.

“Hello?”

“Hey, Mama, it’s me.”

“Dicky! I was just about to message you about Moomaw’s birthday. We’re putting you in your ol-”

“Mama, I can’t make it.” The silence on the other end of the phone was deafening. Bitty wished his Mama would just yell instead of making him wait like this. “Mama?”

“Eric Richard Bittle.” Bitty winced. Full name. He was a dead man. “You promised your Moomaw herself that you would be here.”

“I know, I know! Tell Moomaw I’m sorry, okay?”

“You are not getting out of it that easy, young man!”

“Mama, what do you want me to tell you? He’s making me work again this weekend! He just told me now”

Bitty heard the sharp intake of breath and knew exactly what was about to happen from the other end of the phone. Another talk where his mama, once again, told him to quit and come home, as well as a few choice words about Jack that would make even Coach blush. She meant well, Bitty knew that, and to be fair what she was saying made complete and utter sense. He couldn’t even remember the last time he heard Moomaw’s voice in person and not through a phone. He missed them too damn much but his hands were tied. Bitty needed this job. It would do him wonders for his resume and he was so close to being promoted he could feel it. Then there would be no more morning coffee runs or cancelling dates last minute to run and get some weird Canadian drink they only sold in one shop at the far edge of town. His father just didn’t understand that. It was all too easy for them.

“That man! You march into that office right now, Dicky, and you quit!”

“No, I’m not… no. I’ve worked too hard for this promotion, Mama, I can’t just throw it all away now!”

“Your daddy is fuming, Dicky. He wants to speak with you.”

“No, Mama! Mama, don’t put him on. I am sure Coach is mad something awful but-” Bitty stopped as he heard the sound of Jack’s office door opening and cut himself off. Personal calls during work hours were a big no no. Especially when he was meant to be rearranging a conference call. So he put on his best phone voice smile and tried not to meet Jack’s eyes. “But we take all of our submissions here very seriously. We’ll get back to you as soon as we can.”

Bitty regretted putting the phone down the moment he did so, making a promise to himself that he would ring his mama the moment his lunch break started. He was going to have to do some serious apologising. Perhaps he would send her some things from that little cooking shop she liked the last time she visited. He’d have to send Moomaw the biggest card he could literally by and that wouldn’t even be enough. Maybe he could sneak himself in the envelope and mail himself back home to Georgia. That could be worth a shot at least. Looking up from his desk he saw Jack looming over him, a file in hand.

“Was that your family?”

“Yes.”

“They tell you to quit?”

“Every single day,” Eric sighed as he took the file off of Jack and went to open his rolodex for the number he would need to ring. Must to his dismay the phone rang for him and Bitty prayed it wasn’t his mama ringing back. “Mr Zimmermann’s office. Yeah. Okay.”

Jack raised his eyebrows as he watched Eric put the phone down and look back up at him. “What was that?”

“Hall and Murray want to see you upstairs. Shitty is with them.”

“Come and get me in ten minutes. Shits won’t let me escape otherwise,” Jack said as he straightened his tie. Bitty hadn’t even noticed that it was crooked until he did so. Jack must have been fiddling with it in his office. Not that he cared, he wasn’t even sure why he was fixating in on it. “We have a lot to do.”    
  
“Okey-doke, boss!” Bitty faintly smiled as he watched Jack walk away, making sure to send another quick warning out to the rest of the staff. Not that it mattered, if Jack was going to see Hall and Murray he wouldn’t bother with the rest of the workers. Exhausted Bitty sat back in his chair. He just wanted to go back home and hop into bed and pretend this day never happened. It wasn't even an hour in and he ruined a perfect good shirt, saw someone get fired, and had to cancel his plans with his family via a phone call. _Oh no_ , Bitty thought, _I have to ring Mama_. Bitty put his hands over his face and screamed. Jack Zimmermann was the literal devil. 


	2. Chapter 2

When Jack stepped out of the elevator the only one he could see was Hall and Murray’s secretary and that didn’t bode well. Usually when the office was empty something big was going down. The last time was because they had just fired the last editor in chief. Whatever it was Jack knew he has to get it out of the way. The day was already shaping up to be a difficult one, if that little episode in his office was anything to go by, and he wanted it finished as quickly as possible. He ignored the secretary’s greeting, opting to focus on steady his breath instead as he walked to the office door. Jack really didn’t have time for this and they knew that, he couldn’t just put everything on hold. PR still needed to be told to prepare for the Oprah press release and then he needed to start looking at replacements for Chad. Then he had to read through not only his manuscripts for the week but Chad’s as well. When he opened the office door he could see Hall sitting behind his desk with Murray at his side. Shitty, as per usual, was leaning against the window ledge with little care, playing around with one of the books he had managed to pick up. 

“Chris, Edwards. Shits.”

“Jack!” Shitty beamed. “Welcome, my man!”

“Congratulations on the Oprah thing,” Hall smiled.    


“It’s terrific news!”

“Thank you,” Jack chuckled as he made his way to take one of the available chairs. “This isn’t about my second raise, is it?”

“You wish, Zimmermann.” Shitty sighed from his spot by the window. 

“Jack,” Hall continued. “Do you remember when we agreed that you wouldn’t go to the Frankfurt Book Fair because you weren’t allowed out of the country? Something about an issue with your citizen status?”

“Yes, I do.”

“And you went to Frankfurt.”

“Of course. We were going to lose John Johnson to the Aces.” This was all established weeks ago, why in the world did they think it was important now? He would be angry if it wasn’t for the solemn faces that laid before him. Even from Shits who normally would be all over him by now. “I didn’t really have a choice, did I?”

“Seems like the United States Government doesn’t care who publishes Johnson’s book.” Murray said as he shook his head. Shitty hopped off of his spot from the window and made his way towards Jack. 

“Jack, your lawyer called. Which, by the way, I still find very unchill of you. You know what I do for a living, right? You helped me prepare for the bar.” 

“I told you, Shits, I am not having you as my lawyer.” Turning back to look at Hall and Murray Jack was getting a little impatient. They pulled him upstairs for this? Standing up Jack smiled tightly. “So we’re all good, right? Everything is good.”

“Jack, you’re being deported.”

“What?” The smile fell. 

“There’s been an issue with your birth certificate. Entirely their mistake and I am working with your lawyer to sort this bullshit out like yesterday but they need to deport you until everything is sorted.”   
  
“I’m not even an immigrant! I have dual citizenship. I spent half my life here, my mom is American for Christ’s sake.” Jack was beyond angry. How the hell did this even happen? He should have listened to his lawyer but really? The entire thing was ridiculous. When he wasn’t in Montreal he was in goddamn Pittsburgh. “There has to be something we can do?”

“Like Mr Knight said, we are sorting it out,” Hall tried to reassure him. “Unfortunately you still need to leave the country for the time being. It could take as long as a year.”

Sucking in a breath Jack tried to mentally plan out his next moves. Obviously he would have to go to his apartment and organise moving some things back to Montreal with him. He’d have to pack on top of all the other things already on to do list. At least when he got to Montreal he could go to his parent’ house. They wouldn’t mind him being there whilst they were away. It would do as a point of operation until he got his own place sorted. A lot of his work could be done from home and luckily he could always do phone calls and video chats.  _ Yeah _ , he thought, _ it could work.  _

“Okay so that’s not ideal but once I get to Montreal I can get everything st-”

“No.”

“What with that video conferencing thingy and the internet.” 

“Jack… you cannot work for an American company if you are deported.”

“So until this is resolved we’re going to turn operations over to Chad Harrison.”

“Chad Harrison?” Jack snapped. “The guy I just fired?”   


“We need an editor in chief,” Murray sighed. He didn’t look happy about the situation either. “He’s the only one in the building who has enough experience.”

“You cannot be serious?” The telltale tightness in Jack’s chest started to creep up on him. This could not be happening. Everything he worked for was falling apart all because of a misplaced piece of paperwork. “Shits, is there nothing you can?” 

“I’m afraid not, Jack. Not yet. I don’t want you to go.” Jack huffed. “My ass if going to freeze up there. You ever been naked in the snow, Jackers? It ain’t fun. The company is gonna miss you too I guess.”

Their conversation was cut off by a sudden knocking at the door and Jack knew instantly who was on the other side. He really did not have time for Eric right now. Turns out your desire to go back to your office to work after you just found out you’ve lost your job and are being kicked out of the country isn’t high. Jack really couldn’t be here much longer. He needed to get out of that office and figure out what the hell he was going to do next. The door opened and Eric popped his head into the room. 

“Sorry to interrupt.”

“What?” Jack huffed. He knew exactly why Eric was there. After all he was the one that asked him to come up here. It’s just that he was frustrated and needed someone to take his anger out on.

“Mary from Ms Winfrey’s office called. She’s on the line.” 

“Okay, thanks.”

“She’s on hold, she’s insisting to speak with you. I did tell her you were otherwise engage but she insisted. I’m sorry,” Eric apologised to the room. 

As he continued to stare at Eric Jack wished that the he could just get Eric to sort everything else like he usually did. Eric couldn’t fix this problem. Jack would have to ring his lawyer, book a flight, ring his parents. He didn’t even know where they were exactly. The last he heard they were in Vegas. It was hockey season for crying out loud they could be literally anywhere by now. This whole situation was goddamn ridiculous. His dad got to go anywhere he wanted all because he just so happened to be married to a full American citizen but Jack couldn’t even go to a book fair? All of this was just making his skin itch. Why couldn’t he just do the same? Then they couldn’t kick him out. Jack stopped. Why couldn’t he? He could marry someone. Someone he sees everyday. Someone that is definitely American. Someone he could order to marry him. Okay so maybe a green card wasn’t the best solution but it was a start. He’d ask Shitty if he wasn’t already dating someone. Eric would have to do. After all he wasn’t bad to look at and they already spent all their time together already so it would seem plausible.

“Eric, could you come here a second, please?” Eric gave him a puzzled look as he made his way forward to stand next to him. Jack just prayed that he would play along with what he was about to say next. “Gentleman, Shits, I understand the predicament we’re in and erm… there’s something you need to know. We are… getting married.”

“Who’s getting married?” Eric asked, looking around the room. Jack’s idea of a response was to take Eric’s hand within his own. 

“You and me, remember?” Jack said with pleading eyes before turning back to Hall and Murray. “We are getting married. Yes.”   
  
“We are?”

“Getting married, aha. Yes.”

“Isn’t he your secretary?” Murray asked sceptically as he looked Eric up and down.

“Assistant.” 

“Executive assistant… secretary. Titles!” Jack rambled as he let go of Eric’s hands. “Wouldn’t be the first time of us fell for our secretaries, would it, Edward?” 

Shitty had not yet said a single word, instead choosing to stare at Jack. Jack knew there was no escaping him later. Shits was his best friend and now he was claiming to not only have a boyfriend that no one knew about but to be engaged to him? He was not looking forward to that conversation. 

“So, yeah. The truth is, you know, Bits and I…” Jack could practically feel Eric’s head snap to look at him. No doubt because of the nickname. What was he digging himself in to? “We are just two people who weren’t meant to fall in love but we did.”

“No,” muttered Eric under his breath. 

“All those late nights at the office. Those weekend book fairs, the late night sessions at my apartment. Yeah.”

“No.”

“Something happened.”

“Something…” Jack knew he had to get them out there fast. Eric was becoming distant. Anything could happen. He couldn't risk Eric exposing him now.

“Yeah, we tried to fight it but couldn’t. Can’t fight a love like ours so… erm… are we good with this? Are you happy? Because, well, we are happy. So happy.”

“You motherfucker, Zimmermann!” Shitty yelled, finally. 

“Shits?” 

“This is terrific!” Rushing over Shitty engulfed both Jack and Eric is a bone crushing hug. “Why didn’t you tell me? Never mind! Who cares? Bits, you are coming to mine next week. I’ll make Lards drag you!”

“Jack?” Hall finally spoke up from the other side of the desk. Jack was worried they might be busted. If anyone would figure them out it would be him. 

“Yes, Chris?”

“Just make it legal.”

“Yes, well, that means we need… we need to get ourselves to the immigration office so we can work this whole mess out, right? Shits, let go.” Jack pushed against Shitty until he finally relinquished his grip and Jack took a hold of Eric’s arm again to try and steer him towards the door. 

“Finnnne,” sighed Shitty reluctantly. “But I’m coming round yours tonight and I expect deets!”

And with that Jack left. Excusing himself from the room in a daze Bitty hurried out of the office door and went to join Jack at the elevator. The entire time he was trying to avoid the, no doubt, disapproving face of the secretary. He still wasn’t even sure what in the world even happened the moment he stepped into that office, she couldn’t judge him for something that wasn’t true! How had he somehow acquire a financé? The ding from his phone made his stomach sink. Reaching into his pocket Bitty opened up his messages and sure enough, clear as day, there it was. 

**_Bitty is getting married to Jack?????_ **

_ Could this day get any worse? _

The notifications from his phone didn’t stop the entire elevator ride down with Jack and nor did they stop as they walked back through the office floor. It was like every single pair of eyes were on him and Bitty hated it. It was like his skin was crawling. These guys were his friends and now they were all whispering feverishly about him apparently lying to them for months or even years. Bitty wished he could just explain it to everyone there and then, tell them he wasn’t really marrying Jack, that it was all some concoction of Jack’s to keep himself in the country; the problem was he couldn’t. As he passed Dex he wished the floor would just swallow him up just so he didn’t have to see that quizzical look plastered on Dex’s face. Although it was better than the smirk Nursey was sporting a mile away. Bitty loved his friends but they really were not going to make this easy for him. Whatever even this was anyway. On the short walk through the office he tried to replay the conversation in his head again as a distraction from the gossips around him. Jack had said they were getting married and then the next thing he knew Mr Knight was hugging him so tight he nearly forgot how to breathe. Jack even called him Bits. It didn’t seem real, it couldn’t be real. All he had to do was pinch himself really hard and he’d wake up in his bed with the alarm blaring. As he closed the door he prayed that his friends would be kind to him later after he explained how horrific this whole experience had been. Jack however looked unperturbed by the entire situation. He was even sitting down already at his desk and going through a manuscript. Bitty was furious.  _ The nerve of that man, did this not matter to him? _ He just declared to bosses that he was going to marry Bitty and now the whole office knew. The man didn’t even call him Bits until today; it had always been Eric or Bittle, depending on how mad he was that day. It drove Bitty insane, he hated being called Eric like that. As he stared at Jack he hoped he would somehow find some answers in all of this madness. 

“What?”

“I don’t understand what’s happening, Jack.”

“Relax. This is for you, too.” Jack replied, continuing to focus of the manuscript in front of him. Bitty scoffed, folding his arms. Short answers wouldn’t cut it this time. 

“Do explain.”

“They were going to make Chad chief.”

“So naturally,” Bitty laughed. “I would have to marry you? Of course, it all makes sense!”

“And what’s the problem? Like you were saving yourself for someone special?”

“I like to think so, yes. Besides, it’s illegal!” 

“They are looking for terrorists, not book publishers.” 

“Jack.”

“Yes?” Jack said, finally looking up from those stupid papers of his. 

“I am not going to marry you.”

“Sure you are, Eric, because if you don’t then your dreams of touching the lives of millions with the written word die right now.” Any argument Bitty had died then and there in his throat. “Chad is going to fire you the second I am gone. Guaranteed. That means you are out on the street looking for a job. Meaning, therefore, that all that time we spent together? The americanos, the cancelled dates, the midnight chicken tender runs? Then they were all for naught and your dreams of being an editor, especially at this publisher, is gone.    
  
The colour drained from Bitty’s face.  _ Three whole years? Down the drain? That can’t be!  _ He had slaved over that boy for too goddamn long for that to happen. All the times he had to cancel a date because Jack needed something was ridiculous. He was pretty sure his love life shrivelled up and ceased to exist at this point. Plus he hadn’t been home in so long. He missed his Moomaw’s hugs and Mama’s cooking. Heck, he even missed his father a little to tell the truth. As weird as that sounded. Why did he have to marry Jack just so all that time wasn’t wasted? The man that took that time from him! It wasn’t fair but Jack was right. Chad would fire him before Jack hadn’t even gotten in the elevator. Bitty was trapped.     
  
“Don’t worry, after the required allotted amount of time we’ll just get a quick divorce and then you’ll be done with me.” Putting down his paperwork Jack stood up from behind his desk and made his way towards Bitty. “But until then, like it or not, your wagon is hitched to mine, okay?”   
  
Nodding slowly it suddenly dawned on Bitty that he was really going to have to marry Jack. There was literally nothing else he could do. He couldn’t lose his job. His father would never let him live it down and he definitely couldn’t move home, he just couldn’t. He’d suffocate in Madison. “You’re going to have to start calling me Bitty. Nobody calls me Eric. Not even my Mama.”

“I think I can manage that,” Jack rolled his eyes. “Now go and have these copied, we need to go out now and I don’t want to come back to a mess just because you’ve wasted time.”   
  
Bitty stared at Jack in disbelief. How could this whole situation mean nothing to him? Taking the papers off of him Bitty stormed out of the office, trying to avoid the amount of eyes glued to him. What in the world was he getting himself into?   


An hour later Bitty found himself walking into the immigration office with Jack. The concept of marrying Jack hadn’t gotten any better to him and, frankly, it still annoyed him a little. Jack was meant to have dual citizenship thanks to Alicia. Bitty had met Jack’s parents a few times when they popped into the office and they were absolutely lovely people. He would have sworn Jack was adopted if it wasn’t for the strong family resemblance. So when Jack’s lawyer had called a few weeks ago Bitty had been so confused. Alicia was definitely American. You could find that out with just a quick look at her IMDB page. Though Bitty didn’t exactly have faith in his government at the end of the day. One misplaced file and apparently everything goes to hell. The immigration office was hot and sticky and Bitty was already trying to figure out the best place to make his escape from. The queue, however, was massive. They would be there for hours. Jack, however, decided that the queue wasn’t really for him, clearly having come to the same conclusion as Bits. They couldn’t be away from that office for too long, after all.   
  
“This way.”

“Jack! We can-”

“Come,” Jack called back, not bothering to see if Bitty was indeed following him.

“But the line is here!”  Jack however obviously did not care and so Bitty had no choice but to follow in Jack’s footsteps as he pushed his way to the front of the queue. Bitty made apologetic faces at the people he passed and only stopped when Jack, finally, excused himself to the person at the front of the line and stood in front of the person at the counter. Bitty could see that they were not amused and his little Southern heart wanted to curl up and die. _You just couldn’t be that rude!_

“I need you to file this fiancé visa for me, please.” Jack demanded as he put the form on the counter. The lady behind the desk picked it up and skimmed over it before an eerie smile spread over her face.

“Mr Zimmermann?”

“Yes.”

“Please, follow me,” she said as he began to lead them into an office just down the corridor. “Please, take a seat. Someone will be with you shortly.”

“I have a bad feeling about this,” Bitty said the moment the lady left the room. Taking one of the seats in front of the desk Bitty watched as Jack calmly leant against the wall on his phone, still unaffected by the situation that they were in. Why wasn’t he freaking out? The office was suffocating and Bitty couldn’t help but fidget in his seat. It seemed like hours before there was finally a knock on the door window and a man entered the door. Sitting up straight Bitty looked over the man. He was wearing a bland suit and had a grease stain on his tie, in his arms was a stack of files; he looked too official and if Bitty hadn’t been scared before he definitely was now.   


“Hello, gentlemen,” the man smiled as he made his way to his desk. “I’m Mr Spencer.”

“Hi.”

“Hello.”   
  
“So you must be Eric.” Mr Spencer turned to look at Bitty, shaking his hand before extending it towards Jack. “And you must be-”

“Jack.  
  
“Jack, well.” Mr Spencer sat down behind his desk, quickly flipping open the top file. “Sorry about the way. It’s a crazy day today.”

“Of course, it’s fine,” Jack smiled as he finally put his phone away and took the seat next to Bitty. “We understand and I can’t tell you how much we appreciate you seeing us on such short notice.”  
  
Mr Spencer smiled briefly before turning back to his paper, skimming through the file like Jack would a manuscript. He was silent for a good thirty seconds before he finally closed his file, leaned back in his chair and looked intensively at Jack and Bitty. “Okay, so, I have one question for you. Are you both committing fraud to avoid his deportation back to Canada so that he can keep his position as editor in chief at Knight Publishers?

All colour drained out of Bitty’s face. They were doomed. A nervous laugh bubbled in his throat and he did his best to swallow it but he started to speak. “That’s ridiculous!”

“Where did you hear that?”

“We had a phone tip this afternoon from a man nam-”

“Would it be Chad Harrison, by chance?” Jack interrupted. 

“Chad Harrison,” Mr Spencer confirmed as he put the file back down. 

“Oh Chad. I’m sorry, Chad is nothing more than a disgruntled former employee and I apologise,” Jack began to stand up, smiling almost sickeningly sweet at Mr Spence. It was unsettling for Bitty, who was more accustomed to the ice glares usually directed at him. “We know you are incredibly busy with a room full of others to tend to. If you just give us our next step then we will be out of your hair and on our way.”

“Mr Zimmermann, please,” Mr Spencer gestured back towards the chair Jack had just risen from. Reluctantly Jack sat back down and Mr Spencer leaned forward. “Let me explain to you the process that’s about to unfold. Step one will be a scheduled interview. I’ll put each of you in a room and ask you every little single question a real couple would, and should, know about each other. 

Step two, I dig deeper. I look at your phone records, I talk to your neighbours, I interview your coworkers. If your answers don’t match up at every point you, Mr Zimmermann, will be deported indefinitely. And you, young man,” he said looking at Bitty,” will have committed a felony punishable by a fine of two hundred and fifty thousands dollars and a luxury five year stay in a federal prison. So, Eric, do you want to tell me anything?”   
  
Bitty shook his head. Three years. Wasted. No job. Madison.   


“No?”

But then there was the chance of him getting five years in jail and a fine, so large, he would never be able to pay unless he asked his family. He nodded quickly.

“Yes?”

Jack tensed next to him and it all came crashing down in front of him. His job meant everything to him, he couldn’t risk it now. Plus Jack obviously was affected by this in some way. Maybe he could use this to his favor? 

“Mr Spencer, the truth is… Jack and I,” Bitty gulped, “are just two people who weren’t suppose to fall in love but… well did.” Jack turned to look at Bitty, some of the tension noticeably easing out of his shoulders. “We couldn’t tell anyone we work with because of the big promotion I have coming up, isn’t that right, sweetpea?”   


“Promotion?” Mr Spencer enquired. 

“Yes.”

“We both felt that it would be deeply inappropriate if I were to be promoted to editor-”

“Editor,” Jack laughed under his breath. 

“While we were-”

“So, have the two of you told your parents about your secret love?”

“Oh no, my parents are far too busy at the moment, we were waiting for the off season to tell them. They’re currently in Vegas at the moment, I think. We don’t really talk during the season anymore.”

“And no other family members to account for?”   


“None whatsoever.”

“And what about you? Are your parents on lock down in Las Vegas or do they do business somewhere far more exciting? Like Mars?”   
  
“No, his parents are home on this planet,” Jack smiled, reaching over to take Bitty’s hand in his. “We were actually going to tell them this weekend. It’s Moomaw’s ninetieth birthday, you see, and the whole family is coming. We thought it would be a nice surprise. Plus Bits couldn’t wait to see his Mama’s face when he told her the news.”

It took every ounce of restraint in his body for Bitty not to turn his head and look at Jack in shock. Jack had paid so much attention to his life, well more than he thought he had. Especially after treating him like crap for so long. Bitty couldn’t believe that Jack even knew to call his grandma Moomaw! 

“And where is this surprise going to take place exactly?”

“At Bitty’s parents’ house.”

“Which is located where again?”   


“Why am I doing all the talking?” Jack laughed. “It’s your parents’ house, why don’t you tell him where it is?”

“Madison.” 

“Madison.”

“Georgia,” Bitty smirked.    
  
“Georgia?” Jack’s eyes widened. Jack hated the heat. Found it intolerable. Jack in the Georgia heat? Oh Bitty couldn’t wait!

“You are going to Georgia this weekend?”

“Yes.” Jack and Bitty replied simultaneously. If this was how Mr Spencer already was acting then what in the world would the interview be like? 

“We are going to Georgia. Georgia, that’s where,” Jack continued as he rubbed his thumb along Bitty’s hand, “is where my Eric is from.”

“Okay. Fine. I see how this is going to go.” Standing up from his desk Mr Spencer headed towards his office door, opening it to indicate that they were now free to leave. “I will see both of you at eleven o’clock Monday morning for your scheduled interviews and you best pray your answers match up on every account. 

“Thank you.” Jack stood and shook Mr Spencer’s hand before leaving the office, on his phone almost the instant that he was free. No doubt seeing what was in his schedule for Monday. Bitty stood quickly to follow after Jack, wishing Mr Spencer his goodbyes. 

“Oh I am looking forward to this, Mr Bittle. It’s going to be fun,” Mr Spencer grinned, reminding Bitty a little bit of the Cheshire Cat. He handed a massive pile of papers to Bitty. “I’ll be checking up on you.”

“Right.” Taking off after Jack who was somehow already outside of the immigration office. It took Bitty a bit to actually catch up with him.  _ Damn those long legs. _

“Okay, so what’s going to happen is we will go down there,” Jack stated, not looking away from his phone as he walked. “We’ll pretend we’re boyfriends, tell your parents that we’re engaged. Use the miles for the tickets. I guess I will pop for you to fly first class but make sure you use the mile. If we don’t get the miles, we are not doing it.”

Bitty stared at Jack as if the man had suddenly grown a second head. He couldn’t be serious, right? All of years trying to go back down to Georgia to see his family and he was finally going just so his boss wouldn’t get deported? No because it was Moomaw’s birthday or he missed them or anything? Because it was suddenly convenient to Jack? There was no way that was all he was going to get out of this goddamn joke of a situation. Jack would be kidding himself if he thought otherwise. 

“Please confirm the chicken meal. Last time they gave me this clammy, warm creamy salad thing, that does not go with my in- what?” Jack finally stopped to turn and look at Bitty. “Why aren’t you taking notes?”

“I’m sorry, were you not in the same room I just was?”

“What?” Jack asked matter-of-factly and it took Bitty all within his power not to reach up and hit the man. He wasn’t kidding. He literally did not understand the severity of all of this. “Oh the thing you said about being promoted? Genius! He completely fell for it!”

“I am completely serious, Jack,” Bitty frowned. “I am looking at a two hundred and fifty thousand dollar fine and five years in jail. That changes things.”

“Promote you to editor? No, no way.”

“Then I quit,” Bitty replied, beginning to walk off in a different direction to Jack. “And you’re screwed. Goodbye, Jack.”

“Eric!”

“It really has been a little slice of heaven!” Bitty waved, refusing to look back. 

“Eric. Eric! BITTY! Fine, fine. I’ll make you editor, fine!” Stopping Bitty turned to look back at Jack. “If you do the Georgia weekend and the immigration interview then I will make you editor. Happy?”

“And not in two years. Right away.”

“Fine.”

“And you will publish my manuscript.”

“Ten thousand copies first-”   


“Twenty thousand copies, first run,” Bitty demanded. Squaring his shoulders he stepped closer towards Jack. “We will tell my family about our engagement when I want and how I want. Now, ask me nicely.” 

“‘Ask you nicely’ what?” Jack asked with a puzzled look.

“Ask me nicely to marry you, Jack.”

“What do you mean?”

“You heard me,” Bitty smiled smugly, folding his arms. “On your knee.”

“Fine.” Jack lowered himself to the floor, brushing down his suit as he did so. “Does this work for you?”

Looking down at Jack on his knees in front of him filled Bitty with an insane amount of joy. Finally, after all these years, he finally had some form of power over him. It was so satisfying to look down and see Jack begging for him. Watching his squirm under his gaze. Even in his wildest dreams he couldn’t have pictured this. It made Bitty’s toes tingle. “Oh yes, Mr Zimmermann. I like this very much.”

“Will you marry me?”

“No,” Bitty tutted as he shook his head in disapproval. “Say it like you mean it, Jack. Sweep me off my feet.”

Sucking in a breath Jack took hold of Bitty’s hand, putting on the sweetest smile he could muster. “Bitty.”

“Yes, Jack?”

“Darling Bits.”

“I’m listening.”

“Would you pretty please, with cherries on top, marry me?”

“Okay,” Bitty shrugged. “I don’t appreciate the sarcasm but it will do I guess. You better be more romantic around my family.” Yanking his hand back he watched Jack wobble forward a little. “I’ll see you at the airport tomorrow morning.”

“Right, okay.”

Bitty took off towards home, refusing to go back to the office with Jack. There was no way he was going to sit there under all that scrutiny again. What he really needed to do was call Lardo, have her come over so they could get stupid drunk and rant about the entire situation. Perhaps he would be able to get Dex and Nursey to come over so he could try and explain it to them first. Before he did anything else though Bitty knew that he really did have to ring his Mama back.   
  
Bitty started to make his way home, refusing to go back to the office for the rest of the day. There was no way he could sit through all of that. He had to get Lardo to come round for a drink, perhaps message Dex and Nursey and try and explain every but first? Bitty really did have to ring back his Mama now. What in heavens would she even think? _Oh hi, Mama, turns out I can come this weekend and I am being my boyfriend. You know, that no good boss of mine? Yeah, it’s him. You’re gonna love him._ Yeah, Bitty was definitely screwed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh dear can you imagine that conversation with Suzanne? I do not envy, Bitty, do you?


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bitty and Jack arrive in Georgia. It's just the first evening. Nothing can go wrong, right? Right?

As he rolled out of bed early the next morning Bitty could already feel dread building up in the pit of his stomach. On one hand he couldn’t wait to finally see his Moomaw and Mama after so goddamn long but on the other hand he had to tell them he was engaged to his boss. The boss which Suzanne Bittle had cracked out not one but several whole curse words on and he, himself, had spent the last three years cursing three ways on Sunday. That and he would have to see Coach, which was always a barrel of laughs. This weekend was going to be a disaster and Bitty knew it. Luckily Bitty had had the good sense to pack his bag the night before so all he had to do was force himself to get dressed and push himself out the front door. Hopefully Jack had had the good sense to do the same and had managed to pack sensibly. The weekend was going to be bad enough without Jack complaining the entire time because he packed clothes that don’t breathe. Once he arrived at the airport Bitty could see Jack was already there waiting for him, bag and all. Of course he’d be early.

“Good morning.”

“Bittle,” Jack nodded as way of hello. “Lets go check in.”

Yeah, Bitty thought as he trudged after Jack, it was going to be a disaster.

A few hours later and they were well on their way to Georgia and Bitty was scanning through the paperwork Mr Spencer had handed to him in the immigration office. There were so many questions. Too many questions. Surely it was impossible to know this many things about yourself, let alone another human being? As he scanned through the list Bitty came to the sickening realisation that he could answer nearly every single question about Jack. His favourite food, where he liked to chill out, his medical history. Jack, on the other hand, did not even know where he lived. How the hell was he supposed to know what kind of toothpaste Bitty used? They were doomed.

“So,” sighed Bitty as he gestured to the list in his hand. “These are the questions that INS are going to ask us. Good news, I know everything about you already. Bad news, you have four days to learn all of this about me. I hope you like studying.”

Snatching the papers from Bitty’s hand Jack scanned through the list, reading some of the questions with a frown on his face. Rolling his eyes Bitty leant against the window. “You know all the answers to these questions?”

“Yup. Kinda scary, isn’t it?”

“Mildly. What am I allergic to?”

“Mollusks,” Bitty replied almost instantly. “Oh and the full spectrum of human emotion.”

“Very funny.” Turning to look at Jack a smug grin spread across Bitty’s face. Jack’s face on the other hand looked unamused. At least, Bitty thought, he was getting something out of this whole ordeal. Even if it was just teasing Jack. “Okay, another one. Do I have any scars?"

“There’s the one on your chin from an old sports injury and I’m pretty sure you have a tattoo on your hip somewhere.”

“Only pretty sure?”

“Well positive, really,” Bitty said firmly, sitting up. “Two years ago your dermatologist rang the office and asked about a Q-switched laser. Well I did some research and found that they r-”

“Remove tattoos.”

“Mhm but you cancelled your appointment. So what is it, Jack?” Smirking Bitty leaned in towards Jack. “Calligraphy? Hockey stick? Butterfly?”

“You know,” Jack frowned. “It’s exhilarating to see you like this.”

“Why thank you!” The grin on Bitty’s face grew wider. If this was the only way he was going to get payback, for those three long years, he was going to enjoy every second of it. Especially if he was going to have to spend the weekend pretending to be madly in love with Jack. If he didn’t do anything Bitty was certain he’d go insane. “You’re going to have to tell me what it is, you know.”

“I’m not.”

“They’re gonna ask, Jack.”

“We are done with that question.” His shoulders tense Jack flipped the page to look at other questions, obviously finished with the previous conversation. “Whose place do we stay at, yours or mine? Well that’s easy, mine.”

“And why wouldn’t we stay at mine?” Bitty frowned.

“Because I live at Central Park West and you probably live in some abysmal studio apartment decorated with stacks of vintage Penguin books.”

Not wanting to dignify Jack with a response Bitty turned to look out of the plane window. He resented the implication that his apartment was abysmal. So what if he had a studio apartment? The rent was okay, the kitchen was great, and everything was within walking distance; even work. Okay so there were books littered all around his apartment, and some of them were yellowing Penguin classics, but so what? Some of those books were older than even his Moomaw and they never saw him wrong in the past. They were books he had grown up with. Books he had held close when he needed to escape when he was upset or the pressures built too high. They were his childhood. Sure, he didn’t have enough time, like he used to, to sit there and read to his heart’s content in New York but they were always there waiting for him. He had found solace in those dusty old books and not even Jack Zimmermann was going to take that from him. Just because Jack had forgotten that books can actually be read for enjoyment, and not profit, didn’t mean he had. Stealing a glance back Bitty could see that Jack was still scanning through the long list of questions, probably trying to figure out what ones he could get away with not knowing the answer to. It was hard to picture a Jack Zimmermann in love with reading, who got excited for the latest novel in their favourite series, who read a manuscript and saw the goodness in the words instead of just errors. What had happened to that Jack Zimmermann he had heard about when he first came to New York? What happened to turn him into the jaded robot Bitty had come to know? The tannoy pulled Bitty from his thoughts before he could dwell on it any longer.

“Ladies and gentlemen, please fasten your seatbelts. We are beginning our descent into Atlanta.”

“Atlanta?” Jack puzzled, looking up from the pages in his hand. “I thought Athens was closer?”

“It is,” Bitty replied as he fastened his seatbelt. “However someone wanted me to not only book them a last minute flight to Georgia but also have me rearrange my own, previous, travel plans in order to fly together. Everything else was booked.”

“So how are we getting to Madison then?”

“Mama is picking us up. It was that or get the bus to Athens and she put her foot down.”

They rarely spoke the rest of the way, even through the terminal. Luckily they didn’t have to go and collect any baggage, having opted for carry ons, and headed straight for the exit where Suzanne had said she would pick them up. Jack wasn’t exactly sure what to expect from Suzanne Bittle, the woman always sounded like a force of nature on the phone but that was all he really had to go on. As they neared the exit he scanned the crowd, wondering what Bitty’s mother actually looked at. Assuming she was also blonde and small it wouldn’t be too hard, he figured. Perhaps he should have asked Eric beforehand so it wouldn’t be so awkward. Beside him Bitty drew in a sharp breath, his shoulders tensing, and as Jack followed his line of sight he saw two women. One of which was definitely small and blonde woman, with Bitty’s exact nose. The other lady was considerable older with curly grey hair and the biggest grin he had ever seen. Presumably this was Suzanne and Moomaw. Even if they weren’t they were holding the biggest sign possible with the word ‘DICKY’ on it in massive red letters which, no doubt, was what Eric had gotten tense over.”

“Alright,” Bitty grit through his teeth. “Here we go.”

“Where? Oh there he is, Suzanne!” The older lady yelled, waving feverishly at them. “DICKY!”

“Dicky?” Jack smirked, not even bothering to hide his grin.

“Not a single word,” warned Bitty before he ran off to hug the two women, leaving Jack to awkwardly stand back and watch. “Mama! Moomaw!”

Taking Bitty into her arms Suzanne held him tight, beaming widely. “Oh Dicky, it’s so good to see you!”

“You’re suffocating him, Suzanne.” The older lady, who was most definitely now Moomaw, laughed as Suzanne reluctantly let go of her son. “And where is my hug, young man?”

“Hey, Moomaw,” Bitty smiled, allowing himself to be taken into a bone crushing hug. Jack had never seen him so happy. Rearranging his bag Bitty looked around, as if looking for somebody else. “No Coach?”

“Oh, you know how your daddy is,” Suzanne shrugged. “He had some work to do.”

“Right. Of course.”

“Never mind about that old bore, where’s your boy?” Moomaw asked, looking behind behind straight at Jack, as if she had no idea who he already was.

“Oh erm he’s right here.” Turning back Bitty beckoned Jack to come closer.

“I guess the word ‘boy’ is inappropriate,” muttered Moomaw.

“Annie!”

“What? The boy looks like a Chippendale dancer. Now I don’t have to go to Vegas.”

“Moomaw!”

“Erm hello?” Jack smiled awkwardly, looking like he had just intruded something important. How the man could barge into a conference room no sweat but managed to look defeated by two little southern women was beyond Bitty.

“Jack, this is my Mama, Suzanne.”  

“Hello, Mrs Bittle.”

“Yeah, great,” Bitty sighed, “and this is my Moomaw, Annie.”

“It’s a pleasure.” The hand Jack offered was ignored. Instead he found himself brought in for a bone shattering hug instead by Moomaw.

“None of that nonsense here, sonny,” Moomaw grinned as she finally released Jack. In another life, he thought, she could have been a great quarterback. Probably still could if the NFL didn’t mind a ninety year old forcing her way down to the end zone. Not that she’d give them a choice. The thought of facing down Moomaw on the field was utterly terrifying. All 5 foot 3 inches of her thundering towards him? He’d stand no chance.  “Now do you prefer Jack or blood sucking incubus? We’ve heard it both ways. Well lots of ways actually.”

“She’s kidding!” Bitty interjected quickly, blush rising on his cheeks.

“Okay,” Jack said tentatively, side eyeing Bitty before drawing his attention back to Suzanne and Moomaw. “Thank you for letting me be a part of your weekend.”

“We’re thrilled to have you. Now let’s get you two back to the fort.” Hooking her arm around Jack’s Moomaw stormed off, Jack in tow, towards the car park. She was still the whirlwind Bitty remembered and it made his chuckle as he watched a very shocked Jack being dragged away.

“It’s been too long, Dicky,” Suzanne smiled, opting to hook her own arm with Bitty’s.

“I know, Mama, I know. You still didn’t have to drive all the way up here though, we could have gotten the bus up to Athens.”

Looking at Bitty horrified Suzanne shook her head. “No baby of mine is taking the bus to Athens from Atlanta.”

“Mama.”

“Don’t Mama me, Eric Richard Bittle,” Suzanne tutted. “Three years I don’t see my baby and when you finally do come here, after already cancelling I hasten to add, you want to take the bus? To Athens of all places. I know it’s the closest place the bus goes, sugar, but really.”

Feeling sheepish Bitty tried to avoid eye contact with his Mama, hoping she’d fixate on the bus aspect of the conversation rather than the whole three years thing. “Sorry, Mama. I’ve just been so busy.”

“I don’t expect much, Dicky, but I expect more than a visit once every three years from my own son. You’re never too busy for family, ya hear?” Bitty’s shoulders sagged. She was right. It was no goddamn excuse. If he had fought Jack hard enough on it he could have visited ages ago, called more. They could have even come to visit him. Seeing her again for the first time in three years was like being hit with a truck. Like some little part of him felt whole again. Bitty knew he couldn’t let it get like that again. “None of that matters now. You’re home. So, what’s this man like? Is he good enough for my baby?”

“He’s…. something else.” Hoping he sounded sincere enough Bitty decided to leave it at that rather than continue to lie to his Mama. The entire weekend was going to be spent lying to her but he couldn’t just sit there and tell her the truth. It would break her. “We better go catch up with them. Who knows what Moomaw is telling him.”

It was almost an hour later before they were finally pulling into to Madison at last. Jack had resorted to staring out of the window, trying to block out whatever it was the Bittles were talking about next. For the last twenty minutes or so Suzanne had been talking, rather passionately, about jam before having switched to some local scandal Moomaw and her had overheard at the shop. Was this really going to be his weekend? A bunch of southerners talking about cows or something. He was probably going to be trapped in some dusty, boiling hot farmhouse that smelt of mothballs. No doubt the cell reception was going to be atrocious and the wifi was going to be nonexistent. Decent coffee was definitely out of the question. Looking out of the window Jack could see that they were now making their way through the main street but none of the shops really stood out to him. Some of them looked older than most, there were a few exceptions but nothing that screamed modern. Admittedly a few of the shops did seem somewhat interesting, reminding him of places back home he used to go to with his dad. He supposed if there was time he might pop into the antiques shop at least. Jack started to take more care reading the signs, seeing if there was anywhere he would be able to eat later, but instead of finding a good restaurant he instead noticed that a lot of the shops had something in common. They all shared the same name; he hardware store, the post office, even a bakery on the corner. Every single one of them were called Bittle’s. Just like Eric’s last name. Irrationally he quickly stole a glance at Bitty’s luggage tag to confirm his thoughts. Same last name. Was it just a coincidence? It couldn’t be… right?

“Eric?” Jack tried to whisper inconspicuously, nudging Bitty’s leg when he didn’t get a response. “Bitty!”

“Ow,” Bitty scolded as he turned to look at him. “Don’t do that.”

“You didn’t tell me about all the family businesses, bud.”

“He was probably just being modest, dear.” Moomaw offered from the front of the car, looking on as if nothing else had happened.

“Oh.” Jack felt a little thrown by this new development. He really didn’t know a lot about Eric after all, he had been in Georgia for an hour and already he had learnt more than he had in the last three years. How come Eric never told him about the family businesses before? What else had he secretly been hiding back here? Before he could continue his train of thought he suddenly became aware they had just passed their hotel without even the slightest thing of stopping. “We just past the hotel, shouldn’t we be going back so we can check in?”

“Oh we cancelled your reservations. Family doesn’t stay at a hotel,” Suzanne smiled, not taking her eyes off the road. “You’re going to stay with us!”

“Haha great!” Clenching his hand Jack continued to look out of the window, trying to hide his sudden dread from Suzanne and Moomaw and the glare Bitty was definitely sending his way. He hated staying in random houses. There was too much that could go wrong, so much expected of him.

Ten minutes later and they were entering the giant archway that lead to the Bittle estate. If Jack had been confused before he was completely dumbfounded now. This was like someone had gone and built a mansion on Mars. If Mars had breathable air that is and wasn’t just a giant pile of red dust little robots rode around trying to find water. There was so much to take in. From the big open front to the house itself which was, definitely, not a farmhouse. It was a modern built that still managed to hold a little southern charm. It felt completely different to the town he had just driven through or any of his preconceived notions. Jack felt like he had entered some different dimension and soon Rod Serling was going to pop up behind his chair and tell him he was actually in the Twilight Zone.

After pulling into the drive the Bittles wasted no time in departing the car and made their way towards the house, leaving Jack to trail a little behind. Suzanne shook her head at Bitty as she noticed how far back Jack actually was. “Dicky, go help your man with his bag. He may be your boyfriend but he’s still a guest, go walk with him.”

“I’d love to, Mama, but he insists on doing it himself. He likes watching me walk ahead.” Grinning back at Jack Bitty turned and carried on towards the house. It was finally his time to get back at Jack and he was prepared to throw good old southern hospitality right out the window if it meant he got to do just that. Even if it was just carrying a bag. A small win was still a win. “Come on, sweetpea, you’re falling behind!”

“Did you see the shoes that boy is wearing?” Moomaw whispered to Suzanne. “So yellow”

Giggling Suzanne softly tapped Moomaw’s arm, looking back to make sure Jack and Bitty didn’t hear her. “Annie, shh!”

“I’m just saying! You could signal the coast guard from here with those things!”

Behind Annie and Suzanne the conversation wasn’t nearly as riveting. “Why didn’t you tell me you were poor?”

“I never said I was poor.”

“But you never told me you were rich.”

“Well yeah because I’m not rich,” Bitty sighed, rolling his eyes. “My parents are.”

“You know that’s something only rich people say, right?”

“Jack, your mother is an actress and you’re father is a Stanley Cup champion I don’t think you’re in a position to talk.” Storming off ahead, to go join his Mama and Moomaw, Bitty was slowly beginning to lose his patience with Jack.

Frowning Jack watched as Bitty walked ahead. He didn’t know why it bothered him so much. After all Bitty was right. His parents were rich and he definitely didn’t follow in the family footsteps but his family didn’t have a whole empire in a little town in the South. Nor did he talk to his parents half as much as Bitty did to his. Why did Eric move to New York and work as assistant when he could have stayed and have everything?

As they grew closer to the house the amount of people on the porch became apparent. It was like a town meeting was being held. Jack wasn’t prepared for this. He expected maybe a few people, eventually a giant load, but not this many this quickly. He liked to be warned. To create an action plan, a formation he could stick to. This felt like an ambush, the tightening in his chest reappearing without warning.

“Mama, what’s going on?”

“Nothing! It’s just a little welcoming party. Is that a crime?”

“Just fifty of our closest friends and neighbours!” Moomaw cried with glee, rushing towards the porch. “And they are all excited to meet you!”

“Oh… good. Good.”

“Come on,” she called back. Suzanne quickly followed her leaving Bitty and Jack to stare up at the house, and their awaiting party guests. If this was just the first hour then the weekend was going to be impossible.

“A party?”

“I guess so,” Bitty gulped. Taking a deep breath he smirked up at Jack and started making a beeline for the house. “Come on, Zimmermann! My grandma’s moving faster than you!”

Not wanting to be beaten Jack took off after him, ignoring the hammering in his chest. He could do this. One inside the house however he was beginning to doubt that he could, in fact, do this. Wine and dining was part of his job but that was work and this was just suffocating. Jack was struggling to learn all the names and keep a smile plastered on his face and on top of everything he had lost sight of Eric. They hadn’t even been inside for five minutes before Jack had realises Bitty had taken off to mingle with his friends and family. Meaning Jack had somehow found himself talking to some woman called Jill that worked at the post office or was it the hardware store?

“Miss O’Brien, I’m going to have to steal my boyfriend back now.” Popping up from nowhere Bitty smiled before placing his hand on Jack’s lower back and steering him away to the corner of the room. His face obscured his smile dropped as he looked up at Jack. At least, Jack thought, he wasn’t the only one exhausted by all of this. “You need to breathe, Jack.”

“I’m trying,” Jack frowned. “I just didn’t expect you to be some form of Georgian Kennedy. Why didn’t you say anything?”

“How could I? We’ve been in the middle of talking about you for the last last three years.”

“Okay, okay. I get it.” Looking around the room Jack sighed. “We need to stop arguing. These people need to think we’re in love so-”

“That’s no problem, I can do that! I can pretend to be the doting fiancé.” Bitty ran his hand slowly up Jack’s arm, gently squeezing Jack’s bicep. To anybody looking in it would seem like the two had quickly stolen a quick moment alone to talk to one another. Like another other innocent, young couple would. Which, Jack realised, was exactly what Bitty wanted. “That’s easy for me but for you? It means you’ll have to stop commanding your army of the undead.”

Huffing Jack looked around the room, his eyes drawn to Suzanne and Moomaw by the seating area.  “When are you going to tell them we’re engaged?”

“I’ll pick the right momen-”

“Dicky!” A shrill voice interrupted causing Bitty to turn around quickly.

“Mrs McKimmley! How are you? Mr Mckimmley, it’s nice to see you both.” Bitty shook Mr McKimmley’s hand before he was being drawn into a hug by Mrs McKimmley. “Have you met my partner Jack?”

“Hi, it’s a pleasure,” Jack offered his hand out to McKimmley.

“Jack!” Mrs McKimmley had other plans however and pulled him in for a hug just like the one she gave Bitty. Jack wasn’t exactly sure what on earth these southern women were eating but whatever it was gave them the ability to hug like a boa constrictor.  “So Dicky, how’s New York? What’s it like being a book editor?”

“That’s a great question, Louise,” a voice chimed in. Bitty froze. Turning to look at him Jack could see that the colour had drained from Bitty’s face. Looking round he saw the voice had come from the moustached man he had seen in all the family photos around the house. Looking at the man’s face he could see where Eric got his eyes. “I’m curious to know the answer myself.”

“Hello, Coach.”

“Junior.”

“And you must be Jacko.”

“Jack.”

“Richard,” Coach said, offering Jack his hand. “I’m Dicky’s father. So why don’t you tell us exactly what a book editor does, besides taking writers out to lunch and getting drunk.”

“Now that sounds fun!” Mrs Mckimmley smiled. “No wonder you like being an editor, Dicky.”

“Oh no, Louise, Dicky isn’t an editor. Just the assistant, Jacko here is the editor.”

“Jack.”

“So you’re actually-”

“Dicky’s boss, yeah.”

“Oh well how about that!”

“I think I need a refill.” And just like that Coach left, leaving the awkwardness behind as he did. Jack held his tongue, sure he wasn’t the best at times but that was rude. Embarrassing Bitty like that was uncalled for. If this was what Richard was like after a quick conversation Jack dread to think what the whole weekend was going to be like.

“Excuse me.” Flashing a tight smile Bitty made way towards his father, trying to hide his anger. Would it kill Coach to play nice for one second? Coach didn’t approve of his career, Bitty knew that, but to be so harsh about it in front of everyone? Yeah, that would really make him want to quit, come home and take on the family business. “That was a hell of a first impression, Coach.”

Putting down the whiskey decanter Richard turned to look at his son. “What the hell, Junior? You show up here after three years with this man you hated and now he’s your boyfriend? Sorry for not being more civil.”

“We just got here,” Bitty sighed. “Can we wait two seconds before throwing the kitchen sink? Please?”

“Okay. Just never figured you to be the type to sleep his way to the middle,” Coach scoffed, taking a sip of his drink.

Bitty clenched his first, trying very hard not to snap at his father. Now he remembered why else he had stayed in New York so long. “Jack is one of the most respected editors in this continent.”

“He’s your meal ticket, Junior, and you brought him home to meet your Mama.”

“No, he’s not” Bitty frowned, stepping closer to his father. How could he think so little of him? “He’s my fiancé.”

“What did you say?”

“You heard me.” Squaring his shoulders Bitty stared at his father, daring him to say anything. He couldn’t help but feel defensive. Things between him and his father had never been the best and, if he was being honest, Bitty still felt his father resented him a little for being gay. Not that they had ever said anything to indicate that. They had been understanding, welcoming almost, in the past (they loved his ex after all) but he just couldn’t help think that he’d never be good enough in his father’s eyes because of it. That he wasn’t the son Coach had wanted. Being in New York and refusing to work in the family business sure didn’t help that. “I’m getting married.”

As he stormed away Coach stood there speechless.

In another part of the house Jack was trying to avoid talking to two, very enthusiastic, waiters who kept offering him d’oeuvres. They seemed nice enough but they were incredibly loud. “Go on, bro! It’s tradition.”

“Suzanne made them herself!”

“No, thank you, I’m not big on fish.”

“You hear that, Rans? He doesn’t want to try Suzanne’s food!”

“We probably should leave him be, Holtzy.” The other guy was at least making sense, thought Jack. Even if this Holtzy was being pushy.

“But he has to try i-”

“If I try it will you leave me alone?” Jack asked, praying that it would work. Rans and Holtzy, he assumed, looked at one another as if they were having a private conversation before nodding in agreement. “Fine!”

Taking one of the d’oeuvres Jack sized before taking a bite. It wasn’t half bad, even if he wasn’t the biggest fan of fish. “The paprika makes it, bro!”

“Ladies and gentlemen,” came the familiar yell of Bitty from the next room. “I have a very important announcement. Jack and I are getting married.”

Jack spat out the d’oeuvre. Unfortunately it went all over the waiter that was called Rans. “I’m sorry!”

“That’s okay,” Rans shrugged. “It’s wash and wear.”

“Send me the bill.”

“Dude, Bits is calling you,” Holtzy said, pointing towards the other room. “You better go, we got this.”

“Honey?” Bitty called out as Jack entered. “There you are, Sweetpea! Come over here.”

“Okay?” Trying to avoid the looks everyone was giving him Jack made his way to join Bitty in the middle of the room.

“Right here, ladies and gentlemen, here is is!” Putting his arm around Jack’s waist Bitty pressed himself against Jack’s side, hoping they looked the picture of a loving couple. He also hoped his Mama wasn’t going to kill him directly after this for not telling her sooner but he couldn’t it. Coach has made him so angry. Shouts of congratulations rang through the air and, he was pretty sure, he heard Justin and Adam hollering in the next room over. “Thank you very much, everyone!”

“Time to celebrate. Champagne!” Someone yelled from the back of the room and everyone else agreed with excited chatter.

“So that was your idea of the perfect time to tell them we’re engaged?” Jack muttered so only Bitty could hear him. “‘Cause that timing was brilliant.”

“Shut u-”

“Bitty?” Freeing himself from Jack’s side Bitty spun round with a massive grin on his face. Rushing forward he jumped into the guys arms for a hug. “Aha hi, Bits! It’s good to see you too.”

“Oh my god, Mike! Wow I- how are you? Mama didn’t tell me you’d be here!”

“You know your Mama,” Mike chuckled. “She wanted it to be a surprise so… surprise!”

“Right,” Bitty giggled.

“And… we’re being completely rude,” Mike winced, looking back at Jack. “Hi.”

“Oh heavens, yes! Jack, this is my ex.”

“But you can just call me Michael.”

“Erm hello.” As Jack shook Michael’s hand he couldn’t help but look him up and down. Michael was about his height, well built and with light brown hair. He looked like he had played sports at once in his life, and still liked to keep in shape, and he also was still lingering very close to Bitty’s side. Something in the pit of Jack’s stomach twisted and he wasn’t sure why.

“Congratulations, you guys.”

“Thank you,” Bitty and Jack replied simultaneously.

“So… did I miss the story?”

“The story?”

“The proposal story

“How a man proposes says a lot about his character!” Chimed in Moomaw from her position on the sofa. Moving over she pulled Michael down to sit next to here.

“Actually,” Suzanne smiled from her chair. “I’d love to hear the story, Dicky. Would you tell us? Who proposed to who?”

Everybody else in the room seemed to agree with Suzanne, demanding to hear the story. Looking quickly at one another Bitty and Jack nodded, knowing there was no way they were going to get out of it. Jack was just about to start talking when Bitty smiled widely, making Jack feel anxious. _What was he planning?_ “Jack loves telling this story, don’t you, Sweetpea? I’ll let you do it.”

“Wow, okay,” Jack chuckled nervously as Bitty moved away leaving him exposed. “Where to begin? Okay so Bitty… Dicky and I were about to celebrate our first anniversary together and I knew he had been itching to ask me something but he was scared. Like a little rabbit.” Bitty glared at him from where he stood. Well if Eric was going to play unfair so was he. “I was going to ask but seeing as he putting all this effort in I thought I’d leave him to it. So I left little hints because I knew he wouldn’t have the guts to just as-”

“That’s no exactly what happened, Honey.”

“No?”

“No.” Bitty said firmly, turning to look around the room. “I mean, I picked up on all of his hints. This man is about as subtle as a gun. I was worried he might find the little box t-”

“Oh the decoupage box you made!” Jack smirked at Bitty. “Where he’d taken the time to cut out some of my favourite book quotes. Just pasted them all over the box. So I opened up that beautiful, little decoupage box, looked down, and I saw a big-”

“Fat nothing! No ring.”

“No ring?” Moomaw asked, puzzled. Everyone else in the room seemed to be thinking the exact same thing.

“No but inside the box there was a little handwritten note with the address to the first hotel we had stayed at together, date, and time. Real Humphrey Bogart type stuff.” Bitty smirked at a group of guys, he obviously knew, at the edge of the room. Jack would have sighed if they weren’t in such a tight spot. Of course Bitty would make a Humphrey Bogart comparison right now. “Anyway naturally, Jack thought t-”

“That he was cheating on me!”

Bitty quickly whipped his head round to glare at Jack.

“What? Our Dicky?” Suzanne exclaimed.

“I know, I know, but I wasn’t thinking. It was a terrible time for me. I thought I had lost the love of my life,” he pouted gaining him a sympathetic sigh from all of the older women. Bitty rolled his eyes and looked like he wanted to punch Jack. Repressing a grin Jack knew he was winning this little game they were playing. “But I went to that hotel room anyway. I went and I pounded on the door, but it was already unlocked and as I swung the door open, there he was-”

“Standing.”

“Kneeling. On a bed of roses. In that navy suit he liked to wear with a bow tie. Your son.” Jack smiled softly at Suzanne. “He was holding back tears and, when he finally caught his breath, he said to me-”

“‘Jack, will you marry me?’ and he said ‘yes’. The end.” Frowning Bitty walked back towards Jack and rehooked his arm around Jack’s waist. “Who’s hungry?”

“That is… quite a story.”

“Oh Dicky!” Moomaw shouted with glee as she stood up, rushing over to envelope them both in a hug. “So romantic.”

“Decoupage box with his favourite book quotes?” Smiled Suzanne.

“Well, all that scrap booking, Mama. Must have paid off.”

“Hey! Lets see a kiss!” Shouted someone from the back of the room. Everyone, once again, seemed in agreement. In response Bitty quickly took Jack’s hand in his own, raise it to his lips and pressed a quick kiss to Jack’s hand. Hopefully, he prayed, that would be enough. Sadly, it was not. “That’s not a kiss! On the mouth! Like you mean it!”

“Yeah!”

“Kiss him!”

“Go on, Dicky!”

Holding up his free hand Bitty tried to calm the crowd, releasing there was no way he was going to get out of kissing Jack in front of all of his family and friends. “Okay, okay!” Turning Bitty looked up at Jack, who instinctively put his hands around Bitty’s waist. Reaching up he hooked his arms around Jack’s neck, reaching up on his tiptoes. “Okay?”

“Here we go?”

The kiss itself was quick. Just like one of those awkward ones your Great Aunt Clara demands you give her at Christmas, right after she’s had a little bit too much sherry for anyone’s liking. They both felt stiff but remained in each other’s arms when they parted, wanting to keep up the couple look. The crowd however was not happy with this kiss either, collectively groaning. Moomaw sighed angrily before shouting at the two of them. “Give him a real kiss!”

“Moomaw!”

“A real one!” Someone else shouted.

“Yeah, you can do it!”

“Let’s just do it really fast,” Jack whispered to him.

“Yeah, okay.”

“Okay.”

The second kiss started off no differently than the first. A gentle brush of the lips with no real force behind it. It wasn’t earth shattering or life changing. Nobody would be writing an epic love story surrounding it to tell their children at night. There’s wasn’t any love in this kiss, it was just a kiss. Bitty knew this. He also knew that his family would not believe this. He had grown up surrounded with love, seen it everyday, and no one would believe a single second of this kiss. He had to do something. Pulling down on Jack’s neck he pulled him closer, deepening the kiss. As if reading his mind Jack’s lips parted slightly, allowing Bitty entrance. Clinging to Jack, as if he was the only thing keeping him grounded, Bitty felt Jack’s hand on his waist, anchoring him down, and knew that Jack was doing just the same. Bitty’s head was swimming as he let himself get lost in Jack’s embrace and yet he was somehow reluctant to come up for air. It had been too long since he had kissed a man and even longer since he felt his chest tingle the way it was. Maybe he should have tried this years ago? Maybe Jack would have been nicer to him? A whooping sound from the side of the room finally brought the two of their to their senses, allowing them to pull a fraction apart from each other. Somehow, in the midst of it all, Jack’s hand had found its way to his face and his own, treacherous, hands had found themselves buried within Jack’s hair. For a brief moment it was easy to get lost in each other’s eyes with nothing but the sounds of their pants and a lingering, new found, look between them . Until they both finally remembered who they were, and where they were, and jumped apart.

“I’m so happy for you two,” cried Moomaw who rushed over to hug them again. “So happy!”

“To the champagne!” Another person called out and, just like that, the party returned to normal. Once Moomaw released her grip on the two again she walked away with Suzanne, talking enthusiastically and no doubt plotting something. After that Bitty and Jack found they barely had any time to talk to each other for the rest of the evening, finding themselves caught up in conversations about how they got together and New York and wedding arrangements. If they were going to get their story straight, and avoid another incident like that, they needed a plan. As Bitty talked to one of his Mama’s walking friends he could still feel his lips tingling.

Eventually, after what seemed like hours, all the guests finally left and it was time to head to their sleeping arrangements for the rest of the weekend. They still hadn’t had time to talk to one another and knew when they made it to their rooms they’d be too exhausted to even bother. They needed to set up some boundaries otherwise the weekend, and their whole fake marriage in general, was going to be a nightmare. Following Suzanne and Moomaw they finally came to a gigantic room, that Bitty recognised as his old room although completely remodelled. Jack was impressed with the modern, yet homely furnishings and the view? Stunning.

“So here we are. This is your bedroom!”

“Wow, it’s beautiful. Thank you,” Jack smiled at Suzanne. “The view!”

“And the bed!” Smirked Moomaw, gently nudging Jack.

“Erm Mama?” Bitty asked awkwardly. “Where am I staying?”

“Oh you’re both in here.”

“But I thought?”

“Dicky, we both know you aren’t sleeping in separate beds up in New York. It’s okay.”

“Oh great,” interrupted Jack, trying to save the conversation. “We love to snuggle, don’t we, bud?”

“Yeah… huge snugglers,” Bitty replied, his cheeks now flushed with embarrassment. Lord, the last thing he wanted was his Mama thinking about him and Jack in bed together. Luckily for him a distraction in the form of a tiny white ball of fluff barged into the room, jumping up at his legs. “Oh aren’t you cute!”

“Calm down, Joey,” Moomaw tutted as she picked up the little dog.

“And who is this?”

“This is Joey. We just rescued him from the pound, he’s still in training.”

“Just be sure you don’t let him outside or the eagles’ll snatch him!”

“Moomaw! Don’t listen to her, Joey,” Bitty cooed as he scratched Joey behind his ear. “She’s just pulling your leg, isn’t she?”

“By the way, there are extra towels and linens in here if you need them,” Suzanne smiled as she opened up a cupboard at the side of the room. Moomaw walked over, pulling out a giant quilt with her free hand. It looked handmade, pieced together to form a giant patchwork pattern. It looked like it had been in the family for some years already. Moomaw smiled as she handed it over to Bitty.

“If you get chilly tonight use this, it had special powers.”

“Moomaw, no!”

“What kind of special powers?”

“I call it the baby maker,” Moomaw grinned in reply. Bitty groaned, trying to hide his face. “Although that really isn’t needed here I guess. It’s still a very _lucky_ blanket.”

“Oh god.”

“Okay… well then I guess… we are going to be super careful with it then.”

“Yeah, I’m gonna,” Bitty trailed off as he went to place the blanket down.

“Not on the bed!”

Laughing Suzanne and Moomaw made their way towards the door. “We’re going to call it a night, boys. It’s been quite an evening. Goodnight, everyone.”

“Goodnight,” Jack and Bitty replied, watching Suzanne leave.

“Goodnight, Dicky.”

“Goodnight, Moomaw.”

“Goodnight, Jack.”

“Goodnight, Annie.”

“Goodnight,” Moomaw grinned again, making no effort to actually move.

“Goodnight, Moomaw!” They both sighed. Finally satisfied she turned to leave and Bitty rushed to shut the door behind her.

“Gooooodnight!”

“Sweet dreams!”

Finally shutting the door behind her Bitty leant against the door and let out a sigh of relief. For the first time since they got off the plane Jack and Bitty were finally alone. Jack was exhausted and Bitty looked ready to drop, talking everything out would have to come in the morning.

“So you haven’t been home in awhile.”

“I haven’t exactly had a lot of vacation time,” Bitty huffed as he headed towards the bathroom with his bag. “I’ll be out in a minute.”

“Fine,” called out Jack. “How are we doing this by the way? I have no problems sharing if...”

“You can have the bed. Mama wouldn’t have it any other way… even if she does think we’re both sharing it.”

“Right, okay.”

After Bitty finished in the bathroom Jack rushed in after him to get ready for bed. The problem was, however, it suddenly dawned on him what pjs he had actually brought with him and he wanted the floor to eat him up. His bottoms were covered in moose. Well not just any moose. Moose and bears in hockey gear. On his chest was a moose in a Canadian hockey jersey saying ‘don’t moose with me’. He was a walking stereotype, Bitty was going to tease him so much. There was nothing he could do about it. He expected to be in a hotel right now away from prying out. Sighing he peeked his head out of the door frame and looked down at Bitty, who had already made his bed on the floor. “Don’t look, okay?”

“Don’t look?”

“Yes, don’t look.”

“Jack, you can’t be ser- fine.”

“Are your eyes closed?”

“Completely,” replied Bitty who had made no effort, whatsoever, to actually close his eyes.

“Positive?”

“Oh for heaven's sake, Jack, yes! Will you just get in here, it can’t be that bad. I’ve seen your baby pictures, remember.” Taking that as the all clear Jack left the bathroom, making his way towards the bed. He couldn’t wait to get some sleep. “Are those moose wearing hockey gear?”

 _Crissé_ , thought Jack, _he looked_.

“They were a present from my dad,” sighed Jack. “I didn’t think anybody would see them.”

“Okay. Can we just go to sleep now?”

“Fine.”

“Great.” Rolling over in his little makeshift bed Bitty turned away from the bed and closed his eyes. If today was anything to go by he was going to need all the sleep he could get.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the delay. The heat has fried my brain, how in the world do people function like this? 
> 
> They travel up on the Friday evening if that isn't overly clear? Oh and Jack's pjs are real and they are beautiful.

**Author's Note:**

> Honestly this is entirely self indulgent. I have no excuses.


End file.
